


Fuck you and this toilet.

by Second_to_none



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, half life but the ai is self aware
Genre: Degrading Dirty Talk, Hate Sex, M/M, Semi-Public Sex, Tentacle Dick, alien genetalia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:21:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27530671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Second_to_none/pseuds/Second_to_none
Summary: Gordon is at the end of his rope, he only wants to have a quiet moment to take a leak but Benrey won't even give him that! Hate fucking in a bathroom still ensues.
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 15
Kudos: 197





	Fuck you and this toilet.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AfterGayight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AfterGayight/gifts).



> This fic only exists because AfterGayight said a line about short annoying gay people pushing tall people into bathroom stalls.

“For fuck sake Benrey will you stop following me around!”

“Uuuuhh...no way Feetman, gotta make sure you don’t steal anything.”

Not this shit again. It never ends with this guy does it? If Gordon had thought Benrey was annoying at their initial meeting it can’t compare to the teeth grinding rage he feels about the guard after two days of trekking through alien infested corridors. 

He never helps in fights, never finds anything useful and, most importantly, never shuts up!  
It also doesn't help that he seems to be immortal so no intimidation tactics to work. It actually seems to excite Benrey instead and Gordon does not wanna deal with those feelings right now. And of course there is the problem that the guard just won’t LEAVE HIM ALONE. It’s like everywhere Gordon turns, there is Benrey with a deadpan look and an insult ready to be thrown.

Even now, all Gordon wants is a quiet moment so that he can go take a piss in peace.   
But of course Benrey saunters after him when Gordon excuses himself from the group, following so close behind he almost steps on Gordons heels. 

He turns around, facing down the infuriatingly indifferent stare that Benrey levels back at him.

“Listen, what the fuck could I ever steal in a fucking bathroom?”

Benrey is quiet for a second, smacking his lips thoughtfully.

“Cakes.”

“I’m sorry what.”

“The little...smelly cakes.”

“Do you mean the urinal cakes?!”

“You gonna steal those?

Rubbing between his eyes Gordon sighs deeply, a headache starting to form.

“I’m going to go in there now...“ He points in the direction of the bathroom. “...and I’m going to take a piss and you...” His glove covered finger meets Benrey’s vest with a dull thud “...are going to stay out here, not bothering me.”

There is a short pause as they stare each other down.

“Nah”

Gordon drops his head into his hand, trying not to scream in frustration and alerting a million headcrabs to their location. He’s just going to ignore him. That’s it, if he pretend Benrey’s not here he won’t get bothered by him. He can do this. 

He can’t do this. 

To Gordon’s credit, he actually succeeds in not responding to any of Benrey’s inane talking and doesn't even react when he is asked for his passport for the millionth time. It isn’t until he gets to a toilet stall that this plan falls apart.

As soon as Gordon opens the door to the stall he feels a hard shove in his back, making him topple headfirst into the cramped space. The heavy HEV suit makes it much harder to keep his balance than usual and he has to brace against the toilet to not smack his face into the back wall. 

Turning around he finds the door closed with a grinning Benrey standing in front of it. The space is cramped, there is barely enough space for Gordon to turn around forcing him to stand chest to chest with the guard, bodies almost touching..

“Benrey! What the fuck!? Get out of here!”

“Oh no, it seems that the lock is broken.” Benrey’s smile widens, showing off an concerning amount of sharp teeth.

“No it’s not, move over.”

“Nah man, too tight, can’t move a muscle.”

Gordon rubs the bridge of his nose, the headache that had been lurking in his forehead suddenly much more present. 

“Benrey, please...see I’m asking nicely, get out of here and let me pee in peace.”

Benrey stills at that, seemingly thinking over Gordon’s request before returning his eyes to Gordon’s face, a dangerous glint playing in them.

“Can’t lock's broken.”

“Ok, you know what…”

Gordon dives forward, trying to get to the lock behind Benrey’s back by snaking his arms around the shorter man. He doesn’t manage though since Benrey just presses his back harder against the door, making it impossible for Gordon to get a hold of anything useful.   
What Gordon _does_ manage is getting into Benreys face, his own just over the guards shoulder as he tries to see what his hands are doing.

He stops abruptly when he feels something sharp nip his neck and he pulls back fast enough to almost stumble into the toilet.

“Did you just bite me?!” He tries to ignore the heat that suddenly starts pooling into his stomach. 

Benrey just keeps grinning. Shark like, Gordon’s stupid brain provides.

He feels the rage starts to build, stronger this time in the cramped space. He has to force himself not to get into Benrey’s face again.

“What the fuck do you even want?”

Benrey actually thinks this over for a second.

“Kiss?”

“Ok, that’s it. I’m ending this now.”

He shoves his gloved hands under Benreys arm, getting a good rip before lifting straight up, holding him so that his head is just slightly above Gordon’s own. The HEV suit really is amazing, regular Gordon would never have the strength to keep another adult man aloft with stretched out arms for any amount of time. But with the HEV suit it’s not much different from lifting a toddler.

And Benrey actually seems taken aback by this. Eyes suddenly wide and the stupid smile wiped from his face. It’s been a long time since Gordon felt this smug.

It doesn’t last though since he quickly realizes the flaw in this plan. He might be able to lift Benrey up but that’s about it, there is no room to move him anywhere so that Gordon can get access to the lock. Benrey seems to realize this as well as his smile returns wider than ever. 

“Now what Feetman? Gonna toss me over the wall or something?”

Oh Gordon sure as hell wants to do that, but even with the added strength of the HEV suit that would still be a bit of a too hefty a task for him. 

“Shut up.”

“Make me.”

Oh, oh that’s fucking it! Gordon’s not an idiot; he has read enough fanfics to know what that challenge means. If that is what Benrey wants he’s going to fucking get it. 

Gordon slams Benrey into the door, making the whole stall rattle with the force and bringing back the wide eye look on the other man's face, before crushing his body against Benrey and smashing their mouths together. 

It’s not a nice first kiss, it’s barely a kiss, mostly lips, teeth and, as Gordon bites down on Benrey's lip hard making Benrey open it with a gasp, a lot of tongue. 

But it doesn't matter that it’s not nice. It’s not _suppose_ to be nice. It’s suppose to be angry and punishing and...fuck this is hot. 

He feels himself hardening inside the suit and as if on cue an automatic voice announces the start of the stress release program, exposing his arousal for anyone that’s listening. Which, unfortunately for him, is Benrey. 

“Damn Gordon Hornyman over here. You really like kissing Benny boy that much?”

“God just, stop talking.”

“Make me.”

The kiss is sloppier this time as Gordon’s arousal is slowly overwriting his anger. He lets his tongue explore the inside of Benrey’s mouth, letting it slip over teeth that are not as sharp as they look. Benrey’s doing some exploring himself, his own long dexterous tongue twisting and turning in ways Gordon didn’t even know was possible.

The suit is doing a good job jacking him off and he has no problem coming like this, kissing Benrey while pressing him into the door of a toilet stall. That is, until Benrey pulls away from their makeout session, face flushed and pupils blown wide (oh fuck he’s actually kinda pretty like this).

“Hey, wanna fuck me?”

Suddenly the mechanical release of the HEV suit sounds much less appealing than it had a second ago. 

“Yeah, yeah I want to fuck you.” His voice is slightly breathless. 

He puts Benrey down, finding the button on his hip that releases the codpiece. It falls off with an embarrassing, slurping noise as the heavy lubricated tube that has been working Gordons dick releases it into the air. 

“Damn Gordon, you let the suit do you like that?”

“Don’t have much of a choice, only way to stop it when it’s started is taking it off and I rather not walk around with my dick out.”

“I wouldn’t mind.” Benrey says while eyeing it and working his belt buckle open. 

“Slut”

Benreys eyes widen but so does his smile.

“Takes one to know one Feetman.”

A growl escapes Gordon as he grips Benreys chin, tight enough to bruise a regular man, and crushing their lips together again. His hands fumble with Benrey’s zipper only to have his hands slapped away. 

When Benrey finally manages to wriggle out of his pants Gordon has to pause and marvel at the sight before him. The slit might not have come as a surprise, the deep blue tentacle like appendage sticking out of it, however, does. He stares at it as it writhes like it has a mind of its own, glistening in the overhead light. His mind is battling fear, intrigue and arousal at the same time at the discovery. In the end the fear is pushed back as he carefully reaches out a hand, letting the limb wrap around his hand and finger.

“Yo, you a virgin or something? Never seen a dick before?”

“Not one like this no.” He can’t help the fascination creeping into his voice. 

It’s smooth and a bit slimy to the touch, covered in the same juices that drips down Benrey's thighs. Is Benrey really this turned on by this, by Gordon? The thought is one hell of an aphrodisiac and he forgoes the exploration to press his face into Benrey’s neck. He gets his revenge for the bite from earlier by sucking a mark just above where Benreys collar can’t cover it. If he’s going to act like a needy whore he might as well look like one. 

Benrey gasps at the action, hands clawing over the metal of the HEV suit.

“F-fuck Gordon...you really want a taste of this hot piece of ass don’t you.”

Even now Benrey finds a way to get under his skin. Luckily he has a way of getting back at him now.

“What I want…” He shoves Benrey back against the door again. “...Is for you to shut up…” arms under his armpits again, lifting him from the floor. “...and let me fuck you.”

He feels Benrey’s legs wrap around his hips, propping them up against where the suit's leg guards now meets the bare flesh of Gordons hips. 

“Alright, fuck me then...you won’t.”

Gordon’s going to enjoy screwing that smug smile off the little bastards face.

It takes a bit of angling before he can line his cock up with Benreys dripping slit, the twisting blue dick not making the job any easier, but he soon finds his target and sinks into the tight heat. And fuck Benrey feels so good around him, small twitches of the inner walls sending jolts of pleasure down Gordons spine. 

Benrey seems to enjoy it too, he’s finally shut up, words being replaced by moans and whines as he grinds his hips the best he can onto Gordons cock. It only takes Gordon a couple of seconds before he starts thrusting, the sound of the bathroom door rattling with every thrust sounding obscene in the otherwise quiet room. 

And then Benrey starts talking again.

“F-fuck yeah Feetman, gonna fuck me up...r-real good. G-gonna pump your gamer...meat in my WAP.”

And god he actually pronounces the letters separately. Gordon tries to shut him up by kissing him again but somehow he still manages to get some of his weird gamer dirty talk out.

“You..mhhf...probably wanted t-to..ah fuck!...fuck me with your Doomblade since...nnaah..the first time you..s-saw me.”

Gordon wonders if he can cover Benreys mouth and still hold him up to fuck at the same time but desides against it. The risk of slipping out of Benrey's amazing tightness is not something he wants to risk. Instead he focuses on thrusting harder, angling his hips until Benrey cant talk though his own moans anymore. 

“You...see Benrey. You should just..haaa...shut up and take..it, like the little…Slut. You. Are.” Gordon gives a hard thrust between the last words, jolting Benrey so that his helmet slams against the door. 

Almost too soon Gordon feels himself getting close. The feeling of finally getting to put Benreys in his place affecting him to an almost embarrassing degree. But as always Benrey seems to have his own plans as he pulls himself together enough to speak.

“Hey wanna...wanna see something cool?”

Gordon slows his hips a bit, shallowing his thrusts to give Benrey room to talk. He’s actually kind of curious what kinds of things Benrey can have to show him in this situation. Benrey pushes himself off from the wall, bending forward to slip a hand down Gordon’s cheek and letting it no-clip through the suit. 

“Boop!”

Something in the HEV suit stops. Gordon feels how the joints lock up, trapping him in place, unable to move except wriggle inside the shell that the suit has turned into.

“Benrey, what the fuck did you do?”

“Feetman statue. Gonna ride you like a pogo stick.”

Gordon is about to argue some more but then Benrey braces himself against the door again, sliding up and then letting gravity slam him back down and suddenly Gordon is very happy the HEV suit can’t move because his knees go weak at the sensation. 

And Benrey doesn’t stop, he keeps grinding down on Gordon’s cock, legs squeezing his hips, one arm slung over his shoulder, the other working his own alien dick. Every so often he leans up to catch Gordons mouth in another kiss, only to pull back, making Gordon chase that mouth and flexible tongue. It’s frustrating, excruciating and the sexiest thing Gordon has ever experienced in his life. 

Benrey has shut up again, seemingly too preoccupied keeping his rhythm to spew his usual bullshit. His brows are knitted together in concentration as he rises and falls, only moans and whines escaping his lips between kisses. Gordon has a hard time staying quiet himself, groans and moans growing louder and echoing throughout the room. 

It’s not until he feels his release building again that Gordon finds his words and he can’t help the filth that spills forth.

“Ffffffuuuck gonna cum...I’m going to fill you Benrey. Going to mark you inside...guh out. You’ll feel me inside you for the rest..of..this...miserable..trip....”

Benrey actually gets there before him, the words apparently having a bigger effect then Goron would have ever thought. Shuddering above him Benrey lets out a high keening whine and throws his head back against the door, helmet meeting wood with an audible thunk. Gordon is so thankful that he’s already close, the twitching of Benreys slit pushing him over the brink as it milks his release out of him.

They stay like that for a short while. Benrey leaning against the door and Gordon trying to get as comfortable as he can in the frozen HEV suit. Eventually Benrey slides down from him, a hand no-clipping back into the suit and resetting it. When mobility finally returns, Gordon staggers and falls on his ass on the thankfully closed toilet lid behind him.

This puts him at eye level with Benreys crotch and he watches in rapt fascination as Benrey’s dick slowly retracts back into the slit, still dripping with his own cum. One day when he's not fucked out and locked in a bathroom in an alien infested hellscape he really wants to get a better look at that. Maybe suck it and watch Benrey fall apart over him. Yeah, Gordon likes the thought of that. He licks his lips which awards him a snicker form Benrey. He pinches a pale thigh in retaliation.

There’s a bit of an awkward shuffling as both of them try to put themself together, Gordon finding his codpiece lying on the floor and Benrey fumbling with his pants.

“Fuck I still really need to pee. Can you give me a minute?”

“Yeah sure man.”

Gordon is pleasantly surprised to finally have found a way of pacifying the guard. His victory is short lived though as Benrey turns back to him after fiddling with the lock for a little while.

“So funny story Feetman, seems like we fucked so hard we actually broke the lock.”

“What!?”

Shoving Benrey out of the way (or as much out of the way as the stall allows), Gordon finds that the metal pin holding the door closed and locked has somehow been warped though as to not slide out to unlock the door. 

“I can’t believe this.”

There is a short awkward silence.

“Sooooo….round two?”

Gordon groans but feels his cock twitch at the thought. Might as well.


End file.
